Katies Opinion

*Lost? I don’t know… perhaps?* Things are just so twisted these days. I’m beginning to fear life. I’m spinning out of control, doing things I normally would not, can’t make myself care about things dear to me, I’ve even kinda stopped caring what people think of me… Major changes that are currently taking shape is getting too much to handle. I feel like i’m being thrown against a brick wall, causing pain and anger. I’m lashing out in the worst way. Patience running thin, tempers flaring and tolerance level dipping dangerously. It’s like the typhoon of mood swings. I can’t seem to get along with anyone at all. Things tend to rub either me or others the wrong way, I can’t even get words out of my mouth without some of it ticking someone off.. Which cause stress and, at times, exchanges of extreme harshness. My life right now is one BIG mess. Huge. I’m stressing out over what the hell I’m gonna do with myself (work/school) all the while dealing with pressure from some, situations involving friends, tension between me and the family and financial matters that can’t seem to be resolved. All that stuff, and more, is causing major breakouts of the acne kind. *Humph!* I seem to get pissed off everyday now. Not majorly pissed, but irritation that threatens to blow out of control. Ofcourse, in between feeling irritated, there are the full blown anger explosions. I don’t get it. There are times when I’m just sitting there minding my own business, feeling fine. Bordering on chirpy, even. Someone would bring something up that will at first be “WTF??” , move on to be a mild annoyance, which in turn, will evolve into something so stupid that it pisses me off. Sometimes, I don’t even know where the hell all that (stuff they’re saying) came from. People would also get all mad at me out of a sudden. Okay, so maybe I’m doing something wrong or whatever. Even so, there’s absolutely no need to put me down and get all condenscending. I’m not a kid and I’m not stupid. *shakes head* I don’t know… Everything’s piling up and I’m afraid it might just topple over and suffocate me. Actually, I’m even scaring myself. I can’t seem to make myself care or bother about most things anymore. I do realise this, but, like I said, I’m spinning out of control and I don’t know how to stop. Everything’s scary and freaking the crap out of me. I’m falling deeper into a state of denial, while everything collapse around me. Bit by bit, it’s getting ruined and I’m not sure I’ll be able to pick up the pieces before it’s too late. I’m losing grasp on what used to be my life, feeling the once solid foundation shake, seeing everything I care about moving further away… I seem to be losing my friends, family and direction. To put it into simpler terms: I’m fuctup. My priorities are screwed and totally misguided. Yeah, I do realise all this.. But I can’t seem to re-align myself. I am not okay and it’s frightening to feel control slipping away. I don’t know how or where to call out for assistance, to ask for the one branch from a solid tree to help me stop spinning. But when it stops, will the world make sense? Will the track I was on still be there and ready to welcome me back on it? Will the ground stop being all wobbly? I so want to see the picture again, to know where the pieces on the floor go, to be certain it will fit… I’m scared.