Over a week ago… He introduced me to his friend as “My girl” . He then proceeded to hit on my friend last Thursday night. What the…??
Am I back again? Suddenly, I’ve decided to resurrect this blog after months of death-like slumber. Talk about cobwebs! Been half a year, hasn’t it? Obviously, loads have happened. To put everything down right now, would require superhero strength and magical powers. Dedication would be another factor and the patience to type it all up. As long as I know what’s going on, that’s fine. It’s not like anyone reads this thing, anyway =P Highlights in point form:- * I’ve graduated from the university * Supposed to continue studying but majorly lazy. Gonna try working instead. * Some drama had taken place recently. Probably still going on. * Break-ups, misunderstandings, changes in relationships, new experiences, first times, etc * The above *points* are both good and bad. Some.. totally unwanted and I wish it would go away. * Was in Melbourne, Australia from 13/8/2011 until 7/9/2011. Longer than was planned. Photos over here * Finally went to a friend’s club when I was there. Had a good time. Thanks, Simon =) * Had my hair cut and highlighted red/violet in Melbourne. * Got stressed over certain issues involving friends. To the point of tears, zits popping out and falling sick. * Calming myself down, but sometimes just can’t help getting worked up. Like right now. * Heading to Genting Highlands for work on Sunday morning. * Clubbing has been taken to a new direction. More guy scanning involved. * Fun has included words like : Beach Club, Portugal, Sangria, fun dance partner and dance floor action *hehe* * Changes in certain areas of friendship is bumming me out * In the midst of smoothing things out. Wishing positive changes are for real and will last. * In major denial over eye candy (yep, still on that). But this time working on getting over it, for real. * Rakhma’s boyfriend, Tariq, and his friend, Julian, moved to KL. Okay, that’s all for right now. I’m feeling too crappy to go on. I’m in major paranoia and shit like that. I feel unwated and kinda like being regarded as a drag to certain individuals. Disliked, ignored, left out… they all are kinda the same, eh? Maybe it’s just me.. But I somehow think not. It’s pretty obvious when it feels like you’re having a one-sided conversation. Trying to converse with someone who’s probably rolling their eyes and getting annoyed. You have no idea how sad I’m feeling right now. How lonely and hurt. Check it out, I’m such a drama queen. But, I feel all that.. Can’t help it. Please let it get better.
Who’s gonna get fat?? ME!! This is horrible! Simply horrible.. I had dinner twice tonight. I don’t know what the hell’s the matter with me. I ate chicken curry with half a slice of bread, some vegetables and some of this calamari dish my mom made. After that I was like “Ooh..I’m stuffed” . Then a friend called. I told her I’d go with her and hang out while she ate, since i’ve already had dinner. Bad idea. Ended up at Muhibbah with her parents, they’ve already ordered like 7 dishes. I told them I already had dinner. I seriously wasn’t plan on eating. But somehow ended up having bits of everything. Especially the vegetables and tofu. Then there were the fried calamari, deep fried fish… Good thing i stayed away from the prawns and clams. But still.. I wasn’t supposed to have anything!! I feel like barfing. Good thing I’m not bulimic. Tomorrow I’m going jogging, and am not planning to eat much this weekend. It’s back to my salads n bread n nothing else!!! Bleugh. Anyways, I did this quiz for the heck of it. You Are A Romantic Kisser! You’ll only kiss if the mood is right and if you think you are falling in love. Some may say you’re old fashioned, but when you kiss, you see stars! One kiss from you, and anyone will be hooked forever. How Do *You* Kiss? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
*Lost? I don’t know… perhaps?* Things are just so twisted these days. I’m beginning to fear life. I’m spinning out of control, doing things I normally would not, can’t make myself care about things dear to me, I’ve even kinda stopped caring what people think of me… Major changes that are currently taking shape is getting too much to handle. I feel like i’m being thrown against a brick wall, causing pain and anger. I’m lashing out in the worst way. Patience running thin, tempers flaring and tolerance level dipping dangerously. It’s like the typhoon of mood swings. I can’t seem to get along with anyone at all. Things tend to rub either me or others the wrong way, I can’t even get words out of my mouth without some of it ticking someone off.. Which cause stress and, at times, exchanges of extreme harshness. My life right now is one BIG mess. Huge. I’m stressing out over what the hell I’m gonna do with myself (work/school) all the while dealing with pressure from some, situations involving friends, tension between me and the family and financial matters that can’t seem to be resolved. All that stuff, and more, is causing major breakouts of the acne kind. *Humph!* I seem to get pissed off everyday now. Not majorly pissed, but irritation that threatens to blow out of control. Ofcourse, in between feeling irritated, there are the full blown anger explosions. I don’t get it. There are times when I’m just sitting there minding my own business, feeling fine. Bordering on chirpy, even. Someone would bring something up that will at first be “WTF??” , move on to be a mild annoyance, which in turn, will evolve into something so stupid that it pisses me off. Sometimes, I don’t even know where the hell all that (stuff they’re saying) came from. People would also get all mad at me out of a sudden. Okay, so maybe I’m doing something wrong or whatever. Even so, there’s absolutely no need to put me down and get all condenscending. I’m not a kid and I’m not stupid. *shakes head* I don’t know… Everything’s piling up and I’m afraid it might just topple over and suffocate me. Actually, I’m even scaring myself. I can’t seem to make myself care or bother about most things anymore. I do realise this, but, like I said, I’m spinning out of control and I don’t know how to stop. Everything’s scary and freaking the crap out of me. I’m falling deeper into a state of denial, while everything collapse around me. Bit by bit, it’s getting ruined and I’m not sure I’ll be able to pick up the pieces before it’s too late. I’m losing grasp on what used to be my life, feeling the once solid foundation shake, seeing everything I care about moving further away… I seem to be losing my friends, family and direction. To put it into simpler terms: I’m fuctup. My priorities are screwed and totally misguided. Yeah, I do realise all this.. But I can’t seem to re-align myself. I am not okay and it’s frightening to feel control slipping away. I don’t know how or where to call out for assistance, to ask for the one branch from a solid tree to help me stop spinning. But when it stops, will the world make sense? Will the track I was on still be there and ready to welcome me back on it? Will the ground stop being all wobbly? I so want to see the picture again, to know where the pieces on the floor go, to be certain it will fit… I’m scared.
Don’t kid yourself. If you eat a Twinkie, your thighs know. If you sneak a Pepsi, your belly knows. If you eat a Ring Ding, your butt knows. If you go to the gym, your muscles know. If you eat a healthy diet, your organs know. If you drink water, your blood knows. If you smile, the world knows! A little piece of motivation there, applying to both body and mind. Played around with a few photos, getting creative and stuff. I think the end product’s not too bad, if I may say so myself. It’s been uploaded onto the photo album , under the Misc gallery. It’s nothing spetacular, pretty tiny infact, but I like it.. So there =P In other news, things are slowly heading towards the positive. Very, very slowly. Certain areas are beginning to show improvement, nothing definite maybe.. I can’t help being cautious and even a little suspiscious. Some majorly important parts that still need fixing. Just hope it can be fixed. Would suck even if only 5% remains broken. Wish me luck! Had drinks at that sorta new place nearby (Tmn Megah, for those in the know). Totally forgotten about its existence! I had dinner there once a few months back. Got there slightly after 11pm with Shakhira. There were guys selling VCDs! Yay! Been a while since I got some new movies, so I bought a couple. I’m not staying online long tonight. I’m just posting this and gonna log off. Probably do a spot of writing, which I put off last night. Might end up playing with more images or something. I dunno.. Eyes are hinting at shutting, but I doubt the mind will let me rest just yet. Too many things playing in my head, with no pause button to halt it. Body’s tired, though. I might just curl up with a pillow and let sleep take over. Hmmmm… Nice…
I am heartbroken. It’s definitely time to give up. No longer shall you hear excited reports on eye candy. Too disappointed. *SIGH* p.s: the bday thang went superbly well. that’s when my brokenhearted situation started, by the way.
High time for an update, don’tcha think? *Heheh* Let’s see… Since my last update a few things had happened, ofcourse. On my way back from Johor on Sunday evening, I got a phone call from Muff. He told me Yazmin’s dad had passed away a couple hours earlier. Needless to say, I was shocked. He’s been sick for more than a month now, been in the ICU and all. But, the last time I met up with her, she said there was progress… Poor girl. I was in shock and felt super sad for her. Kinda reminded me of my dad, though. Shakhira was also out of town, and both of us didn’t get back to KL until after 10pm. Since it was kinda late, we went for the funeral the next day. It was scheduled at 10am, but they arrived at the cemetary a little past 11am. A whole lot of people turned up, even the Prime Minister’s wife and people from the Prime Minister’s Office. After the burial, we went to see Yazmin to offer our condolences and such. I couldn’t help being teary eyed when I hugged her, the girl even wished me a belated birthday! She kept saying she didn’t forget. That was too much, I felt like crying. She’s just too sweet and seeing the tears… well, it’s beyond words, ya know? That was the major news of the week. Other than that, it was the usual out-to-eat-and-hang-for-a-bit thang. Oh, and I got myself a new mobile number yesterday. I’m sick of paying RM63 for access and running up RM200 phone bills. So, I’ve joined the masses in the world of pre-paid mobiles. My number’s kinda cool, too. Oh, and I met up with eye-candy on Tuesday night. He was hanving dinner with a couple of people he works with (I know them, too) and I went over to say hello. I was in the area and called him to see if he wanted to join us for a bite. He was already with his colleagues at the time. Let’s see, what else. Nothing that comes to mind at the moment. There’s a plan of hitting Petaling Street later, around 5pm. Sounds good.. Maybe I’ll blog when I get back. If the connection’s not being a bitch and I’m not lazy. Later.
I’m sick =( My stomach hurts like a bitch. I went to the doctor’s last night, and he said it’s noisy inside *Hehe* It’s gas and acid and all that in my stomach and small intestines. He gave me a few diff pills for the pain and gas and acid. I even got a shot on my butt. I looked like hell, and he said he’d give me the shot if I can’t take the pain. Obviously, I agreed. There’s no way I’m gonna be up half the night crying again. It actually started Tuesday night. I thought it’s because I didn’t eat anything, and it wasn’t this intense. It was alright the day after, except when I was a little bit late with dinner. Had to run a few errands, and the pain started. Even after dinner it didn’t go away completely. I got up around 1.30am with cramps from hell, I thought I just needed to eat something. I had some cereal with milk, even drank soya bean milk. Nada. I went back to bed and cried and whined myself to sleep. When I got up for breakfast it was alright, but started again at lunch time. I had lunch at around 2pm, I guess it was a little late. The pain didn’t stop and got worse every hour. By dinner, I couldn’t take it anymore, and had my uncle drive me to the doctor’s. It’s ridiculous, I can’t even sit for long let alone walk around. I spent the day lying down in a fetal position, cuz it doesn’t hurt that much when I’m like that. I had an appointment this morning at 9.30am. Had to cancel, I can’t even get out of bed. Right now, it’s alright. I mean, it still hurts but not as bad as a half hour ago. I think, as long as I have something in my tummy, it doesn’t hurt as much. Crap. I’m gonna get fat again, aren’t I? I was so pissed off I had a piece of chocolate a couple hours ago! Then I had fish crackers and a little bit of cornflakes with milk. I’m such a glut, don’t you think? It’s not even dinner time yet! I soooo wanna skip dinner, but I don’t want the pain and I gotta get well enough to make my appointment tomorrow morning. Eye candy update: There’s a positive development, me thinks. He called a few days ago and asked if I was gonna spent the night at my friend’s place. I said no, because I had stuff to do in the morning for my brother. He said he was thinking of hanging at my friend’s place after work. I told him to just go, but he said some other night because I wouldn’t be there *Hehe* Am I excited, or am I excited? Actually there are still a few updates but my stomach’s hurting again. So, I gotta go. Feels like a knife cutting everytime I exhale! Wish me luck.
I can’t stop munching. I’ve been eating fruits like it’s going out of style and surprising myself with this kind of a sweet tooth. I seem to want dried fruits and candy and stuff. Good thing I’ve just refreshed my apples supply. I’ve been eating piece after piece of guava, which I suspect may have just added up to one whole fruit. ANd then I started reaching for this dried apple thingy my sister bought (sugar! Evil sugar!!), after a piece I decided I’d better go for something less damaging. Yeah, the apple. I’ve also decided to use water as a way to curb this eating frenzy of mine. So that started frequent visits to the loo. Oh well, atleast it’s calorie-free and keeps me full, right? Then again, my stomach looks like I’m carrying a friggin’ baby!! Oh, did I mention the fish crackers I’ve been snacking on? I’ll break small pieces off those fried sins, so it won’t seem that bad.. I’m living in denial. Crap. Now I feel like going downstairs for more. Okay, I’m done complaining. Not really. But I’m getting sick of ranting over my food intake and my weight (which, by the way, is yoyo-ing between a few pounds. How I wish to see those double digits again *sigh*). I’m gonna stop and drink water until it starts leaking through my ears. Adios.
Didn’t go to Petaling Street yesterday. Shakhira was feeling tired and she spent most of the day sleeping. I hung around at home, bored shitless and finally decided to go for a drive. I thought of hitting One Utama and just walk around, but ditched the idea. I drove there, though, and then went over to bangsar for the heck of it. They had a big stage set up on Telawi 3, so that road was closed. I found later, they had an F1 party there last night. Anas messaged me, saying BarFlam was having a 70s party and said to drop by for a laugh. He told me some time back they were gonna have that and all the waiters had to wear afro wigs. I should’ve dropped by and see how he looks like with an afro *hehe* I had a sorta dinner with Shakhira and Ajim at TGIF. The place was pretty packed, we had to wait for a table and even then it was in the non-smoking area. After dinner, we headed back to Shak’s place for a couple of hours and then I headed home. I have yet to sleep since yesterday. I spent the night re-organizing stuff in my room while boogie-ing to music and exchanging SMS messages with Shakhira. I also did a spot of writing after that, when I finally stopped I had rambled for 4 pages. There were still a lot I wanted to write about, but the pen was dying, my hand felt jammed up and I wanted to shower. I left for Shakhira’s around 8.30am and hung out there until noon. I had a movie date with my bro and sis at 2pm and we had to get our reserved tickets by 1.30pm. We saw The Mothman Prophecies . It was not too bad but kinda slow, though. I’ve been bored eversince I got home from the movies. Shakhira has no plans, Dolly’s entertaining her nephews and niece, Fahmy just got back from Fraser’s Hills… It’s 7pm right now, and I’m itching to go someplace. I know I have to wait until 8pm before I can go out again, but nobody has any plans. I feel like hanging out, but don’t know where and all that. * Sigh * Hopefully somebody comes up with something later. I’m outtie.
Surveys… Surveys… 1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT? Mom, sis, bro and a few cousins 2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? None at the mo, just magazines 3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I got it free from Dell, so it’s some art by them with support numbers 4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? cluedo 5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Cleo 6. FAVORITE SMELLS? vanilla’s nice, davidoff coolwater for women, Clinique Happy for men 6. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS? crap, piles of rubbish, BO 7. FAVORITE SOUND? my phone ringing =P 8. WORST FEELING? unrequited love, regret 9. FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? breakfast!! 10. FAVORITE COLOR? purple, blue, lavender, black 11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? a couple, after I see who it is. 12. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? never thought about it 13. MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? consideration, faith and positivity 14. FAVORITE FOODS? fries, vegetables, chicken 15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Vanilla 16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Not anymore 17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? nope. it’ll just end up on the floor anyway 18. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? not scary, not extremely cool either 19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? Not exactly mine, but the first I drove after I got my liscense; a red suzuki swift 20. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? toughie. I guess my dad. Or Keanu Reeves *Heheh* 21. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? bacardi limon, baby! Nahh.. diet coke for me, thanks =) 22. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? pisces 23. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? yep 24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? owner of a sucessful advertising empire 25. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR WHAT WOULD IT BE? maroon or burgundy 26. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? well, atleast there’s something in it 27. FAVORITE MOVIES? bug’s life, reality bites, ever after, fast and furious 28. DO YOU HAVE YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? most of the time 29. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? magazines, a pair of old sneakers, dust 30. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 6 31. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? i don’t watch sports
